Curly Straight

I had a dream last night that a mouse was in my sock. While the sock was on my foot. It was not fun for me.

I have a problem with Julia.

She wants to eat my Vanilla Birthday Cake lipgloss from philosophy.

I really don't blame her. It is delicious.

Whenever I take it out to put it on, she yells "eat, eat, eat, eat" until I put it away. Then she yells "eat, eat, eat, eat" even louder.

Julia's new habit - timely now that it is freezing out - is to take off her shoes and her socks when in the car.

Our house has ladybugs that visit us on occasion. TJ is scrutinizing one that is on the windowsill.

"It's a boy ladybug," he declares.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"It doesn't have eyelashes," he responds.

TJ: I want Buzz Lightyear and Woody.

Mama: Do you want to put it on your Christmas list for Santa?

TJ: No. I just want to buy it at the store.

Mama, watching TJ snap his fingers: TJ, you snap a lot.

TJ: I know.

Mama: Why do you snap so much?

TJ: I like to use my snapping power.

Do not mess with Julia's oreo cookie.

Georgia snatched one out of her hand and Julia was not happy, which is an understatement.

I need the Mac designers to come into my house and do a re-org.

They know their stuff.

We are on our way to the basement to find a missing puzzle piece and to get the Christmas ornaments.

TJ: The dryer is open! The light is on in the dryer! I will go close it.

He then decides it is a good time to clean out the lint trap.

I carry on to the storage area and get the Christmas box.

TJ: I can't do it! I can't do it.

Mama: TJ, I don't want to hear you say that, I know you can do it. Just try, honey.

TJ: I can't! It won't go in!!!

Storms out the door.

TJ: That freaking thing!

TJ's reaction to seeing the snow outside is precious.

I call him over to the window to look.

He starts giggling. "Snow! Snow! I can make snow angels!"

I could do without the little workers at a restaurant or a coffee shop calling me Ma'am.

Mama: TJ, what should we get Andy-de for Christmas?

TJ: A hankerchief

Mama: What should we get Daddy?

TJ: A xylophone

Mama: What should we get Ali?

TJ: A blanket

Mama: What should we get Mimi?

TJ: A toy, so I can play with it.

Mama: What should we get Julia?

TJ: A big blankie, so she can sleep better.

Mama: What should we get KK?

TJ: A flower, but it won't last, so I'm changing it.

Mama: What do you think?

TJ, after some serious thought: The coziest pillow.

Mama: What about Bebe?

TJ: Ravioli
(Mama's note - which is just what I happen to be making for dinner right now.)

Mama: What are you going to get for Mommy?

TJ: A new xylophone.

Not wrapping tonight.

All the gifts are hidden and I will throw them all in the hiding place and do it all at once, closer to Christmas. I like wrapping. Beat boxing, too.

Ba doom boom.

Unfortunately, I am a really bad wrapper. I have a problem with it, keeping the folded stuff neat and in perfect little lines. So not my thing.My presents always look like a little kid wrapped them. The tape never works out so well either. I can never find the scotch tape, or it's double sided or green duct tape or clear mailing tape, about two inches thick.

My secret joy is using a gift bag and throwing some tissue paper over the gift. It serves the same purpose, and I have a huge box of gift bags in a bin.

I get creative with it too. One year I gave TJ his presents, and I would go into another room and come back with the present "wrapped" in a blanket. He loved it and so did I.

I have also been known to hide the present behind my back and tell the person to close their eyes. Same concept, right? Just without the pretty, folded, lovely paper.

I am somehow convinced that one year I am going to suddenly be transformed into a fantastic wrapper. I may have delusions. I probably have a better chance of being a good rapper than I do a good wrapper.

Merry Christmas. Now close your eyes.

Oh how I miss my phone.

I wonder if my phone misses me too.

Julia totally does her own thing. She finds way to keep herself entertained, and she always picks out just the right hat for the occasion.

Today, she was taking TJ's wampum necklace on and off his dresser knob and saying "ut-o!". For this occasion, she chose to wear Mama's brown corduroy hat backwards.

Later on, she was pushing the bubble lawn mower around our bedroom. For this, she chose a warm winter pink and green fleece hat with a giant pom pom.

For her nighttime hat, as she was playing in her room, she chose her bunny bicycle helmet.

The beauty of it is seeing her as you round the corner, and she's wearing a hat that you would never expect to see her in. They range from baseball hats to firefighter helmets to fuzzy winter hats.

Priceless moments with a little girl.

Julia says "doe" - usually in a drawn out whisper when she is thanking you for giving her something.

This basically sums up my life.

I am currently trying to decide between taking boxing at a real boxing gym OR getting involved with a group at church that will teach me how to knit.

I was letting Julia smell a bouquet of flowers today in the checkout line at the market.

The guy behind me says "she's looking at you like 'why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?'" and it's true, that is exactly the look she has been giving since she was just a twee little baby.

She looks at the excitement or the emotion or the laughter, then looks back at you and kind of shrugs with her eyes, like "hmm. yeah. whatever."

It is balanced out, however, at random times by her big guffawing laugh that comes completely out of nowhere.

TJ swears.

He says dammit.

It doesn't bother me for some reason. I guess if he's going to swear, it might as well be that. Could be much, much worse.

The part of it that makes it really easy to deal with is that half the time he says "dammit" but the other half of the time, he says "damage!" and he means it. He thinks they are interchangeable.

We were making cupcakes today and he got chocolate all over his hands - DAMAGE! he yells.

He cracks the egg and some of the shell ended up in the batter. DAMMIT! he yells.

See, it works.

He is so going to start a new trend in pre-k.

Julia has been calling TJ "TT for a long time."

Today, she officially started calling him "Tee-Jay."

Exciting, but a little sad.

As I walk into the room and TJ sees me dressed for the day, he greets me with "hello Beautiful!"

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have an aversion to hair in places it shouldn't be. Like on the soap. Or in the shower. Or on a sink. It grosses me out for some reason. Has for a long time.

Leaving church tonight, as we are getting into the car, I find a long, light hair on my jacket. I make the appropriate "Yuck" noises and throw it out the window.

TJ is fascinated by this and wants to know where the hair is now.

"TJ," I tell him, "don't worry about it, it's in the snow."

"Get it!" he says.

"No, TJ, it's gone. It's a hair. We don't want it in here."

"C'mon," he says, "I just want to start a hair collection."

A few weeks ago, TJ ordered us to sing the following songs. I immediately wrote them down and I don't think I ever posted them.

1. The harmonica plays by itself

2. The witch walking down the road.

3. I have a hole in my skin.

TJ told us the title, jammed out on the harmonica and we had to make up and sing the words before he would go to bed.

TJ, refusing oyster crackers when offered: "I don't like skinny oyster crackers, I only like fat ones."

TJ, looking into my eye with the apparatus from his doctor's kit: "I think there is some plaque from your ear in your eye."

Poor Julia. She has to put up with my freezing, cold, icicle hands when I change her diaper. She is not happy with that. Maybe it will be a good incentive for potty training.

TJ: what's that?

Daddy: A brussel sprout.

TJ: Is it a frog?

On the way to meet our friends for breakfast, we had some traffic issues.

First, we were getting on the highway and it was full of traffic. I voice my dismay and TJ says "Traffic?! I thought they canceled traffic!"

On the way to Woonsocket, we follow Liar GPS's directions, right to the back of a factory were about twenty 18-wheelers are parked. She's obviously messing with me.

Finally we get there, have a great breakfast, and for some reason, depend on Liar GPS to get us home. We are twisting and turning through the streets of Woonsocket and TJ is getting all animated when she tells us to turn.

"What!" he says, "go right?! Again? She just told us to turn right!"

The one that really got him going was when we are told to turn on Ternon Street. "Again? What are there two Ternon Streets?"

It's exactly the same way I feel.

TJ holding his new teddy bear, a gift from his teacher: I am not going to give it to a bad woman. She would pull out all of the fur, cut off the nose and the arms and the legs and cut the body in half.

TJ: Julia cannot have too many balloons. She would float away into the sky.

My little Squee loves Elmo, and all things Sesame for that matter.

She loves her two shirts - the red one with I-ya (Elmo) on it and the blue one with Cookie Monster on it and would wear them every day if I let her. Or actually, if she saw them. I don't think listens to my fashion advice.

I want to clothe her in all Sesame Street character clothes, all the time. I am pretty sure nothing would make her (or me) happier.

We are all sitting watching Sesame Street. Well, I am cleaning up random nonsense that collects around the tv and the kids are watching Sesame.

I throw Georgia a bone and she ignores it.

TJ says "She's like 'I'm all set with that. I just want to take a rest.' "

So exactly something that I would say.

TJ is singing "Happy Birthday to the New Year, Happy Birthday to the New Year, Happy Birthday to the New Year, Happy Birthday dear you."

We are going to watch a movie tonight, probably Mary Poppins, because we just watched the Sound of Music (again).

This morning, TJ needed a seat to boost him, so I let him sit on Harry Potter.

He just told me "I want to watch Harry Poppin."

TJ hands me a tootsie pop that he licked down to the chocolate part. I bet some people could resist eating this. Me, not so much.